Maybe You Were Needed Up There

There's just this pain of losing you. A fear of it happening again. It's always there; every single day. I hope you know that we loved you and we prayed everyday for you. You were taken from us at 3 months unborn. In one month, you would have come into this world. We would have given you more love than you ever needed. We would have kept you safe. 

"You were just a small bump unborn for four months then torn from life. Maybe you were needed up there but we're still unaware as why."

Many moons have passed since March. This road has been so long and painful. The fear that I can't do my womanly duty of producing life. The hope that "this is the month", and the heartache that followed every two week wait. This process has been so painful and frustrating.

This cycle was different. I took matters into my own hands. My uterus and I had a nice long chat. I tested religiously for ovulation. 

I got blood work done. I charted. And let me tell you how beautiful my chart looks! I nailed my ovulation, my temps rose and I commenced the dreaded Two Week Wait.

Admire in 3....2....

Somehow, this happened on 11DPO:

This pain and fear is rearing it's ugly head again. I am scared to death.

It's time to tell your daddy:

I am not sure if I should be over the moon just yet. Oh God, please don't take this baby. Am I a fool for holding on so tight? I don't want to go through the pain again. One angel baby is one too many for us.

To my unborn baby: I will do everything I can to keep you safe and healthy. I will protect you and love you. I can't wait to have you wrap your little fingers around mine. You'll be alright, I promise to hold you tight. 

I am guarded but so happy. You are needed right here on earth so please stay.

Title Credit goes to Small Bump - Ed Sheerhan